At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
