A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
