My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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