I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
