I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
