East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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