Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We have so much sex to catch up on
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
