I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
