well you can't waste a boner
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
