my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
its not stalking. its research.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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