there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize