i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
love makes seman taste better
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So much rum. So many feels.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
