She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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