Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
