I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
