some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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