how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
