I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
