"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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