I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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