He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
