rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize