also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
