I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
