He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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