Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
