I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
