she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
