So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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