I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
