I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
