There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
