see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize