So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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