In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
