Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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