Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
