I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
