Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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