if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
