we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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