if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
