CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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