I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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