your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
