bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no you cant smoke seaweed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
