yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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