1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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