Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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