the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
