I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
