operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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