Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
