Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just had sex bonerless
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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