Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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