Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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