I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
