I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
