I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
