thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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