Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
