don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
