Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drunk is not a location!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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