god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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