Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
