my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
