Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
