he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize