Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I puked a lego.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
