I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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