Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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