If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
