my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
