i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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