and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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