He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize