I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
