bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you had me at cake vodka
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
