You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
