I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
