I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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