would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
