ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
