At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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