It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
