Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
foreskin is a definite game changer
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
