Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
