Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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