3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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