I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
