I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
