I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
