I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
