I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
