I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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