i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
handjob tips. give me some.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize