maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
