you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
