don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
