Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I faked an abortion last night.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
