Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
