Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
