i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
